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“I made a lot of mistakes”: Wolfgang Van Halen’s mum admits it was “not easy” watching his Behind The Music documentary

After watching her son’s docuseries episode, Valerie Bertinelli was reminded of the toxic side of her relationship with Eddie Van Halen.

[L-R] Wolfgang Van Halen and Valerie Bertinelli

Credit: Francis Specker/CBS via Getty Images

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For fans, Wolfgang Van Halen’s Behind The Music special served as an intimate peek behind the scenes. However, for his mother Valerie Bertinello, the young Van Halen’s episode was a sharp wake-up call.

In a recent video posted on Instagram, Wolfgang’s mother, Valerie Bertinelli, has opened up about how upsetting the Paramount+ docuseries was to watch. Initially, just pressing play was a challenge. “I was finally able to watch Wolfie’s Behind The MusicIt was not easy,” she admits.

“I’d stopped it many times because it was just too brutal to watch for many reasons,” Bertinelli continues. “One: seeing Wolfie’s pain. Two: seeing what a better job I could have done as a parent even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes.”

Most significantly, the episode reminded Bertinelli of how turbulent her relationship was with the late Eddie Van Halen. “I fell in love with him when I was 20, and it rapidly declined into drugs, and alcohol, and infidelity,” she says. “Nothing that makes you feel loved and wanted and cared for. Nothing that would scream soulmate, that’s for sure.”

This isn’t the first time Bertinelli has opened up about her relationship with Eddie. Back in 2008, the actress and writer wrote about the darker side to her marriage in her autobiography, Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time. As she admitted, drugs had been involved from the very start. “The priest we tapped to perform the ceremony gave us questionnaires so he could get to know us better and offer more personal words… as we filled out the forms at home, we each held a little vial of coke,” she wrote.

Though the pair had been separated for 20 years prior to his death, Bertinelli admits Eddie’s passing made her view their relationship with rose-tinted glasses. “I had turned [Eddie and I’s] relationship into some sort of fantasy,” she reflects. “A soulmate recreation of history… After Ed died, I was more than willing to put myself in the grieving widow category for a man that I hadn’t lived with for 20 years.”

Seeing her son’s pain on Behind The Music, Bertinelli was reminded of the harsh reality. But it also reminded her of the undeniable good that came from her relationship with Eddie. “What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved,” she smiles. “That’s what I got out of that marriage: Wolfie, the best thing that ever happened to me. Not a soulmate.”

Wolfgang’s episode of Behind the Music is currently available to stream via Paramount+.

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